Somedays are just harder...

    I think in any family some days are just harder than others. Especially when there is a two year old in that family.  Well I have been having a harder two weeks with my two year old.  He has to challenge EVERYTHING I say.  He has started to lie and not little lies either he sticks to his story until the bitter end.  For example the other day he threw a ball in the house.  I watched him do it.  This was the conversation that followed.

Me: Adam! We do not throw balls in the house. 
A:  no, I didn't
Me:  I just watched you throw the ball
A:  Nuh uh
Me:  Adam I do not like lieing.  You threw the ball.  You need to say you're sorry and then take the ball outside.
A:  Micah threw the ball!

At this stage I feel it is important to tell you that Micah is at school during this whole conversation.

Me: (deep breath, pinch the bridge of my nose) Adam, Micah is not here you threw the ball.  Now give me the ball and go sit on your bed until you are ready to say you are sorry for throwing the ball in the house.
A:  ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG (spikes ball to the floor and races to his room where he sits on his bed for 45 minutes before falling asleep. )

Welcome to my world...

Then there are other things that just get you down like you get so excited because the boys are playing all happy in their room and you think I'm going to drink a nice glass of ice water on the couch! But you never get that ice water because as soon as you open the cupboard door the kids sense it and come running.  No longer are they content to be happy in their room, nope.  Now they need a drink too, and a snack to go with the drink, then there is going to be sooo much excitement about snack time that someone will spill their water... If you've ever read the book " If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"  you know what happens every time I want to do something for myself.

So yesterday was not my shining moment... I was just so over Adam.   Everything he did was an assault to my mood.  He woke up miserable and whiny and then took a nap to short to resolve that problem.  So he had been bugging me for most of the day and I tell Jimi that I am just super frustrated and not really "feeling the love for Adam".  Well he decides to "help" me by telling me to " fake it till I feel it"  Which, to be fair, was what I told him when he was having a hard time bonding to our middle monster.  So the next second Adam announces that he is hungry and he wants a peanut butter and jelly... Then Jimi pipes up " ok buddy, mama will make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."   You know the expression if looks could kill... yup Jimi should be dead right now!  So I say "um no... you need to do it I am just done today."  And Jimi says " fake it till you feel it"  well I was not feeling the love and I am not a super great faker so I made the peanut butter and Jelly sandwich of RAGE Try to picture me yanking the cupboard door open and tearing down the bread.   I then slap the bread onto the counter and snatch up a slice and angrily cover it with peanut butter.  Then I do the same with jelly.  Then I smash the two halves together and plop them down in front of Adam without another word and walk out of the room.  Not my best moment. Safe to say my mother of the year award in now coming under review.  But the crazy part is its all to easy to see how I was just a nut job by the light of a new morning.  Really, I knew that I was a nut job about 5 minutes after I made said sandwich.  Now Adam didn't seem to care about my tantrum, why would he?  He has like 5 a day.  But to be the bigger person I went out and apologized to him.  Then proceeded to feel guilty for the rest of the day.  I mean isn't the best ingredient of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich love?  I had totally left that out. 
Moral of the story is it is not easy being a foster parent.  There are some days that I can not imagine my life without him in it and other days I am just waiting for his mother to arrive and take him home. Some days he feels like my child, and other days I feel resentful of this little moody stranger who has come here with the sole purpose of ruining my life... some days are just harder and you really do have to fake it, till you feel it.   Thanks for reading!