don't leave me hanging!!!

     As a foster parent there are some things that you just have to deal with.  The worst is the uncertainty about, well, everything.  You see the kids have to go to like 50,000 appointments per month.  Okay I may be slightly over exaggerating but not by much.  I actually have THREE calendars going on to keep us organized.  I know that's crazy right!  I think when this is all said and done I should be able to put something really impressive on my resume.  At the very least I can now say I am good at organizing people... don't look in my cupboards though because then you will see how unorganized I am in pretty much all other areas.   That being said, the kids go to appointments and some are super important.  The kids and their mom just had a bonding assessment done which is going to DECIDE what happens to our family.  Whats your next question?  Probably the same as mine was.  " How did it go?"  Being only the foster parent means you don't get to know.  Its a big secret.  Yes folks.  The decision that can bring us supreme joy or utter despair is one we don't get to find out until we go back to court on October 1st.   So why the secret?
      Let me tell you that knowing in advance is the best way.  Every now and then I get close to panic because WOW September is flying by!  Where is it going?   Is it possible I only have two more weeks with my babies?  What are we going to do to make the next two weeks the best weeks in the world if that is all we are going to have?  Don't get me wrong.  It is not probable that they will go home on October 1st.  Their mother is... different.  She isn't doing all she is supposed to be doing so my guess is they will be sticking around.  But who really knows.  I mean that poor little girl Jhessy S. went back to her bio mom and ended up dead so clearly the system doesn't always work.   I think about that sweet baby Jhessy all the time and wonder if her foster mom prayed that she wouldn't go home like I do for my babies.  I wonder if her foster mom loved her, and how she dealt with the news that she was going home, and then finding out she was missing presumed dead.  I can't imagine. 
      Things like that keep me up at night.  I think when everything is said and done I am going to swear off surprises.  From now on I want to know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen.  No more of this hanging on a wish and a prayer.