As you all know by now little Adam has the hardest time adjusting to life in foster care. Most of the time he is sad, angry, or worried. His visits are frequently cancelled which makes him act out. Lately though, with the help of an amazing therapist, he has been making progress. Its like a dance with him. Sometimes life goes smoothly and other times it can be so hard. His parents have actually been fairly consistent lately and yesterday he had a great visit! When he arrived back home he ran to me and said " Mama I had a super great time today" We had an excellent hug and I told him how happy I was for him. Then I let out a sigh of relief because typically a great visit means a great attitude at night. I sighed too soon.
It wasn't even 5 minutes later that the glares started coming and all I could see in my sweet boys eyes was anger. Then he started bossing me... ( this doesn't go over well in my house) . " Mama, you need to get me a drink right now!" and when I didn't respond to his rudeness, I got my favorite "If you don't give me a drink right now, you don't get to be my mom!" And that is how our night went. I didn't get him a drink because I only get drinks for boys who use manners and kind words, and he refused to do either. Not to worry though, being a problem solver he got his cup, walked into the bathroom, stood on a stool and had a drink of tap water. At bed time he said "no kiss" and rolled away from me when I went to tuck him in. As hard as I try to not let him get to me, it still breaks my heart when he acts that way. So I was left wondering if I handled it correctly. I think every parent feels like they are doing the wrong thing at some point in the parenting process, but with Adam I wonder that a lot. He is so different from other kids I have been around and his mercurial moods often keep me stumbling around trying to find the right course of action to take. He is never the same from one day to the other so every day is like a new adventure. All we can do is keep chugging along hoping and praying for a HEALTHY attachment as opposed to a bond of convenience, or worse, lack of options.
Sometimes I wonder if he will ever completely attach to me. A big part of me doubts it. I think he was toyed with for so long he may never fully recover and that is a scary thought for me. A friend of mine tried to calm my fears by saying maybe we wouldn't be a family that had true love but rather a healthy respect for each other. It helped for a long time but I find myself constantly questioning if that is enough for a little boy. Time will tell I guess. And as long as they are with me I am not giving up on my little man. In the meantime I am going to try to become an expert on attachment and preschoolers. ( If only I could earn a degree through private study) Wish me luck! Also if you are the praying kind we would always appreciate any prayers we can get!
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