The latest court update

We went back to court today and I am still a little shocked.  Everyone was under the impression that it would go to severance because bio mom hasn't been doing anything except showing up to *some of* her visits...  Everyone was wrong. 

    Today we got pushed out again!  Our next court date will not be for another six months!  I know I am shocked too!  Today I have been really quiet as I try to process what this means for our little family.  I guess the bonding assessment did find a bond.  It was not a strong bond but one they can develop.  The Psychiatrist also recommended a full scale psych evaluation because she felt it "was necessary".  The psych evaluation is why it is being pushed out so far.  I guess it will take until December for her to get the appointment, and the results will not be back until January and then she will need time to complete any counseling that would be ordered based on her mental state. So that part was bad. However, it was good because I had a great conversation with bio mom.  She told me she is going back and forth about what is best for the kids.  Her words were " The baby has been in your care her whole life, you are the only mom she knows and I am just some lady who is kinda cool to hang out with every now and then.  I love my children and I want them with me but maybe that is a selfish idea, maybe they are better off with you."     I hope she keeps going with that thought process because we are so in love with these kids that it is actually scary.  

   Another thing she said also sent me for a loop.  She told me about how when they were doing the bonding assessment Adam looked at her and said  " I want my mama"  Then she said "I am right here" to which he replied  "no, you are my mom, I want my mama"  and then tried to leave the room in search of me.

I can't imagine how painful that had to be for her.   My mother asked me what I said in response to that and I honestly can not remember.  You see, lately,  I have really been worried that Adam didn't love me,  worried he didn't want me, worried our bond wasn't that of a "real" mother and child.   So when she told me that he asks for me even when I am not around it was a profound moment.  It was like hearing your child's heart beat for the first time, or like the first time they say your name.  I am still choked up about it.   All the worrying about if we could ever be a whole healthy family if it goes to adoption went away.  He wants me even when he has her.  I don't know if I am explaining this right because I still feel ruled by my emotions tonight but I hope I am explaining it well.  "Normal moms" don't have to worry about if their child really loves them but a foster mom does and to know he wants me even when she is around is so huge!  I would be on cloud nine if it weren't for the fact we have to wait so long for the next trial.  If I had found that out and had the case plan changed to severance and adoption I am sure there would be no escaping the fallout of my joy, so tonight is bitter sweet but I will take it.  Good night all and thanks for reading!