As you all know by now little Adam has the hardest time adjusting to life in foster care. Most of the time he is sad, angry, or worried. His visits are frequently cancelled which makes him act out. Lately though, with the help of an amazing therapist, he has been making progress. Its like a dance with him. Sometimes life goes smoothly and other times it can be so hard. His parents have actually been fairly consistent lately and yesterday he had a great visit! When he arrived back home he ran to me and said " Mama I had a super great time today" We had an excellent hug and I told him how happy I was for him. Then I let out a sigh of relief because typically a great visit means a great attitude at night. I sighed too soon.
It wasn't even 5 minutes later that the glares started coming and all I could see in my sweet boys eyes was anger. Then he started bossing me... ( this doesn't go over well in my house) . " Mama, you need to get me a drink right now!" and when I didn't respond to his rudeness, I got my favorite "If you don't give me a drink right now, you don't get to be my mom!" And that is how our night went. I didn't get him a drink because I only get drinks for boys who use manners and kind words, and he refused to do either. Not to worry though, being a problem solver he got his cup, walked into the bathroom, stood on a stool and had a drink of tap water. At bed time he said "no kiss" and rolled away from me when I went to tuck him in. As hard as I try to not let him get to me, it still breaks my heart when he acts that way. So I was left wondering if I handled it correctly. I think every parent feels like they are doing the wrong thing at some point in the parenting process, but with Adam I wonder that a lot. He is so different from other kids I have been around and his mercurial moods often keep me stumbling around trying to find the right course of action to take. He is never the same from one day to the other so every day is like a new adventure. All we can do is keep chugging along hoping and praying for a HEALTHY attachment as opposed to a bond of convenience, or worse, lack of options.
Sometimes I wonder if he will ever completely attach to me. A big part of me doubts it. I think he was toyed with for so long he may never fully recover and that is a scary thought for me. A friend of mine tried to calm my fears by saying maybe we wouldn't be a family that had true love but rather a healthy respect for each other. It helped for a long time but I find myself constantly questioning if that is enough for a little boy. Time will tell I guess. And as long as they are with me I am not giving up on my little man. In the meantime I am going to try to become an expert on attachment and preschoolers. ( If only I could earn a degree through private study) Wish me luck! Also if you are the praying kind we would always appreciate any prayers we can get!
Friday, September 27, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Another update for you
Hello everyone!
I was thinking it had been a little too long since my last post so I thought I would give you all an update. Things are going pretty well in our little piece of paradise. The new baby is growing like a weed and is absolutely adorable. He coo's and has started to laugh when people make new sounds for him. He is trying hard to be as big as his big sister and will probably out weigh her soon if she doesn't put on more weight! ( he is 2 months and weighs 14lb 11oz and she is 20 months and weighs 22lb 4oz) Little Lee, my tiny titan, is all attitude lately. I try to tell her that since she isn't yet 2 she can't start the terrible two's but she doesn't listen. Her new catch phrase is "what happened?" Several days ago she walked up behind my husband and pulled his hair really hard. So he yelled owww and Lee ran around to look him in the eye and said " Daddy, what happened?" As if she didn't know! She also likes to ask him that whenever she catches him sleeping. No naps for Daddy anymore, that's for sure.
Adam is doing pretty good. I love his willingness to try new things! He can not wait to turn 4!!! There is so many more things you can do when you're 4. The one he is most excited about will be sports! He is so good at anything physical! Emotionally he is a little behind. Bio dad came back into the picture so he is behaving at visits but acting out more at home. His therapist and I are working on helping him process his emotions but she said not to expect much since he is still in the middle of his "hurricane" and that he won't be able to heal until he has permanency, either in his bio family home or ours.
That kind of thing is the hardest part for me. Everyone knows and acknowledges that the visitation and lack of a permanency is damaging to him, but there is nothing they can do. They can't send him home because it isn't safe, but they can't sever rights to the family because they have been minimally participating in the plan....
We went to court last week and it was pushed out again, this time it pushed out till right before Christmas! I pray they don't go home, especially then! In the meantime we are just going to do our thing and keep working on being the best family we can be. Thanks for reading.
I was thinking it had been a little too long since my last post so I thought I would give you all an update. Things are going pretty well in our little piece of paradise. The new baby is growing like a weed and is absolutely adorable. He coo's and has started to laugh when people make new sounds for him. He is trying hard to be as big as his big sister and will probably out weigh her soon if she doesn't put on more weight! ( he is 2 months and weighs 14lb 11oz and she is 20 months and weighs 22lb 4oz) Little Lee, my tiny titan, is all attitude lately. I try to tell her that since she isn't yet 2 she can't start the terrible two's but she doesn't listen. Her new catch phrase is "what happened?" Several days ago she walked up behind my husband and pulled his hair really hard. So he yelled owww and Lee ran around to look him in the eye and said " Daddy, what happened?" As if she didn't know! She also likes to ask him that whenever she catches him sleeping. No naps for Daddy anymore, that's for sure.
Adam is doing pretty good. I love his willingness to try new things! He can not wait to turn 4!!! There is so many more things you can do when you're 4. The one he is most excited about will be sports! He is so good at anything physical! Emotionally he is a little behind. Bio dad came back into the picture so he is behaving at visits but acting out more at home. His therapist and I are working on helping him process his emotions but she said not to expect much since he is still in the middle of his "hurricane" and that he won't be able to heal until he has permanency, either in his bio family home or ours.
That kind of thing is the hardest part for me. Everyone knows and acknowledges that the visitation and lack of a permanency is damaging to him, but there is nothing they can do. They can't send him home because it isn't safe, but they can't sever rights to the family because they have been minimally participating in the plan....
We went to court last week and it was pushed out again, this time it pushed out till right before Christmas! I pray they don't go home, especially then! In the meantime we are just going to do our thing and keep working on being the best family we can be. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Drinking from the Saucer
Drinking From The Saucer | |||
| by John Paul Moore | |||
| |||
When I was young my grandmother had the above poem stuck to her fridge and I always loved it, even though as I child, I didn't fully understand the words. I do now. I am drinking from the saucer!!! No, I am not rich. We are only slightly better off than paycheck to paycheck. My savings doesn't have enough in it for my comfort, but we are working on it. But I am blessed in so many ways! I have wonderful friends and an amazing family! Well, last week my little family grew by two feet!
We joyfully welcomed a beautiful newborn boy into the mix. He is the little brother of our other foster children. He has got to be one of the best babies I have ever had. At only two weeks old he only wakes once per night to eat and he is happy little dude the rest of the time. He still has that newborn smooshed face look, but when he grins he has his sisters smile.
The other kids all seem to like him most of the time. Lee has the most trouble with him as she doesn't feel she is ready to not be the baby anymore.
The oldest boys are getting ready to go back to school, or start school for Adam. Micah will be going into 2nd grade and we are excited to see all the new things he learns this year. Adam is starting preschool through the public school. They will even pick him up with a school bus! He is thrilled! We did back to school shopping and are trying to get every last bit of summer fun into the remaining time we have. Last weekend Micah had his cousin come over for a sleepover and to make it special I pitched our tent in the living room. The boys thought it was great. I did too, until they woke up at 4:30am to play!! Boys will be boys, right.
As I look back at the last week or so I just feel so happy. A while ago I read an article about how four is easier than three. My thought was , yeah right. Well let me tell you, 4 is easier than 3! I am not sure why this works or if it truly works this way for everyone but I get more accomplished most days than I did when I only had three.
So that is all our news. I will keep you up to date with new posts as often as I can. In the mean time I hope you are all drinking form the saucer!
Monday, June 3, 2013
I'm back
So, after all this time I am back to blogging. And, if I 'm being honest, I have to say I am excited about that fact! There really hasn't been any changes since our last posts. We still have the same kids, their biological mother is still a flake. She still misses visits and it still upsets Adam. But it upsets him a lot less than it used to. The tiny titan is not so tiny anymore. I wish I could post tons of pics of them but I am not really allowed to. Micah is out of school for summer break and I am glad to have him around! He has entered the 'cheesy joke telling' stage, so we laugh a lot around here!
We had a court date coming up but that has been pushed out AGAIN so no new news there.
I do have some super awesome news ( super awesome to me, anyway) My FANTASTIC spouse bought me a mini van! Oh yes, I AM excited about my mini van. Gone are the days of trying to fit a ton of stuff into a tiny car, with three car seats across the back seat! Plus it is a super nice mini van. I have leather seats ( heated for when its cold), a moon roof, and power everything. I love it!
We have been asked to help organize the foster parenting movement within our church, and have also been asked to be mentors to new foster parents within our licensing agency. We are looking forward to our new responsibilities and excited to be helping others take this big step in their lives. Because remember the magic happens outside your comfort zone ( see diagram) :
Now a quick update on my monsters...
Mighty monster ( Micah) just graduated from the 1st grade and he got all A's and B's on his report card! I am very proud. He is also reading well above grade level, and looking forward to football in the fall. ( Especially if his Daddy is going to coach the team again)
Middle Monster has been doing pretty good too. He is learning his alphabet and had (finally) mastered his colors. He is also getting really good at counting. He has his blue days still when his visits get cancelled and even some days that they don't. I guess he has been VERY naughty for his bio mom and loves telling her that she can't tell him what to do. He also enjoys throwing the food she brings him onto the floor. He can be rowdy for me too, though. Not like how he is with her, cause that wouldn't end well for him, but still not what I would consider 'good' behavior. With the help of his counselor I am sure we will get through it.
Mini monster is thriving! She is still smaller than most kids her age but she is so smart! She can sing the alphabet, twinkle twinkle little star, and the song her daddy made up for her. She is potty training and she has been "reading" books a lot lately. She can count to 3 and she speaks in 3-4 word sentences, which most people don't get to hear since she is so shy, but she talked to her doctor and he was FLOORED. He said babies this young can't talk like she does. Lee, being a baby, does not care what the doctor says babies her age can't do.
That's all for today. Thanks for reading, and I should be posting again soon.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Too beautiful for this earth...
Thank you all for the prayers and good wishes but with heavy hearts we have to say that the baby didn't make it. We knew if was a high risk pregnancy and we tried to be prepared for this to happen.
* Just FYI tried to be prepared and actually prepared are very different things*
And while I would have loved to hold that baby on my lap, and tell him/ her ( I think it was a her) all about Jesus... I like to think that Jesus is holding her on his lap and telling her all about us.
Thanks for reading and for your continued prayers as we process our loss. Love to you all.
* Just FYI tried to be prepared and actually prepared are very different things*
And while I would have loved to hold that baby on my lap, and tell him/ her ( I think it was a her) all about Jesus... I like to think that Jesus is holding her on his lap and telling her all about us.
Thanks for reading and for your continued prayers as we process our loss. Love to you all.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Crazy good story
OK so I have a very crazy story for you faithful readers out there. Are you ready?
Once upon a time there was a man and a woman and they loved each other very much. They decided to have a family. So the wife got pregnant and had a beautiful baby boy. There were a lot of complications but they were all happy. A few years later they decided to try again for another baby. They tried, and tried, and tried. Nothing happened so the wife went to the doctor who checked her all out and the doctor said that the woman would never have more babies. She said the woman's uterus had never recovered after her first baby and so no babies would be able to stick in her uterus. As if that wasn't challenging enough her uterus was horribly tilted so it would be hard for an egg to be fertilized anyway. The woman and the man were sad. They prayed and prayed and finally felt led to expand their family by adoption. Flash forward more than a year later.
The man and woman have a beautiful family! They are parents to 3 great kids now! Wow! They feel complete. They are the perfect family. Couldn't ask for anything more!
But then one day the wife gets sick. She needs some medicine but since she is a woman she needs to take a pregnancy test before she can take the medicine because if she is pregnant the medicine will hurt the baby. The woman thinks this is stupid because she already knows she can't have more babies. Anyway guess what?! The woman is pregnant!!! Crazy right! Its not possible! She was told by a DOCTOR that she couldn't have more babies, and doctors know! Its just not possible. Now she is really freaking out because, wow, she already has three kids and three is a big number! Four is a huge number!
She goes to another doctor and sure enough there really is a baby in there!
Here is the crazy good part...
It isn't just any woman, it is me! I am pregnant. So now I need all your prayers that this little baby stays put and grows nice and healthy! Thanks for reading!
Once upon a time there was a man and a woman and they loved each other very much. They decided to have a family. So the wife got pregnant and had a beautiful baby boy. There were a lot of complications but they were all happy. A few years later they decided to try again for another baby. They tried, and tried, and tried. Nothing happened so the wife went to the doctor who checked her all out and the doctor said that the woman would never have more babies. She said the woman's uterus had never recovered after her first baby and so no babies would be able to stick in her uterus. As if that wasn't challenging enough her uterus was horribly tilted so it would be hard for an egg to be fertilized anyway. The woman and the man were sad. They prayed and prayed and finally felt led to expand their family by adoption. Flash forward more than a year later.
The man and woman have a beautiful family! They are parents to 3 great kids now! Wow! They feel complete. They are the perfect family. Couldn't ask for anything more!
But then one day the wife gets sick. She needs some medicine but since she is a woman she needs to take a pregnancy test before she can take the medicine because if she is pregnant the medicine will hurt the baby. The woman thinks this is stupid because she already knows she can't have more babies. Anyway guess what?! The woman is pregnant!!! Crazy right! Its not possible! She was told by a DOCTOR that she couldn't have more babies, and doctors know! Its just not possible. Now she is really freaking out because, wow, she already has three kids and three is a big number! Four is a huge number!
She goes to another doctor and sure enough there really is a baby in there!
Here is the crazy good part...
It isn't just any woman, it is me! I am pregnant. So now I need all your prayers that this little baby stays put and grows nice and healthy! Thanks for reading!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Finally!
After more than a month of waiting and more phone calls than I can remember we have finally been placed with a new case manager! She was assigned us yesterday and came out to the house today! She will be in contact with the munchkins therapists and hopefully we can get the balls rolling around here. Hopefully I will have more positive updates soon! Thanks for reading, J.
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